|You will do as I command! Oh, and you don't get sick days. Bwahahahaha!|
It helps to have a schedule. I found that out quickly. We spent last summer drifting here and there, without anywhere in particular to be. I got bored fast. Now, we have an activity every day. Some of them are classes. Some are play dates. Some are visits to the various places we have memberships.
It helps that I have made friends with other at-home moms. This was another thing I sorely lacked last summer. I remember despairing that I would never make friends. I wrote an entire blog post about how Clare and I were both too afraid to talk to anyone at the park. Now I have several people I can get together with for play dates. One woman in particular has become a good friend, someone I can call on in a pinch to watch Clare while I run to the doctor. Honestly, I don't know why I didn't think I would make friends. I always do. But it is intimidating at first.
I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life lately. I think it is my brain powering up again after being in a daze for the past six months. I worried that I wasn't setting a good example for Clare. After all, she thinks women stay home and men go to work! (I realize when she is older she will understand that this isn't the case.) I worried that when Clare was older, she'd think I'd done a silly thing, sacrificing my "career" to be home with her. That she'd think poorly of me. (I hope she doesn't. My own mother was home with me until I was 12, and that was something I valued.)
I came to the realization, though, that I am not doing this for Clare and Christopher. I am really doing it for myself. I have been given this amazing opportunity to spend as much time with my children as I can while they are small. I can soak it all in. And I can't imagine ever regretting that decision.
It is not for everyone. And I still don't like every part of my day every day, but who does? For now, it is right. It is enough.