Since I've become a Stay At Home Mom (can someone please tell me the proper way to punctuate that title?), my fixations have mostly focused on my children and my house. I feel like I have so much TIME to think about these two things, because I don't have a job. Excuse me, I don't have a job outside the home. Would I spend this much time worrying about where to send Clare to preschool if I had a job (outside the home)? I've toured three preschools, attended a preschool fair, and enrolled her in a nearby school. It is part of a K-8 school, and really quite lovely. The teachers are warm, friendly people and the room is sunny and bright. One of the main reasons I chose it was its flexibility - she can stay there from 8 a.m. to 2:50 p.m. if I choose, and you can tell them that week that you'd like the extra hours. It also has a drop off lane - I won't have to get out of the car. In the winter, with Christopher no longer in the baby car seat, this will be huge. Lately, though, I've been wondering if it is the right school for her. Will she learn what she needs to? Did I get the right "vibe"? Part of the problem is I talk to other SAHMs at play dates etc., and when I hear about their decisions about preschools I start second guessing myself. (I do this all the time.) But it is PRESCHOOL, right? Does it really matter that much? GAH.
My other obsession: that someone will fall from our open staircase. I mean, really. Lots of people have those, right? And children are not routinely falling from them?
Because I am not working on other projects (outside of housework), I think about these things constantly. If I was working, would I stop? Or would I obsess just as much?
Sometimes, though, I feel like I have no time at all. Why, when I have all this time, does my laundry stay in piles, never to be put away or even folded? Why can't I have a clean house, or get through simple items on my to do list on a daily basis?
I spend my days doing all sorts of "child maintenance duties" as my mother calls them. And thinking. And feeling sorry for myself.
But really, I just need to SHUT UP, right? I have a good life. I have a comfortable home. Yes, I work hard taking care of my children. I realize, though, that compared to many, many people, my life is easy. And it won't be this way forever. This afternoon, after Clare FINALLY went down for her nap after what seemed like 20 potty breaks, I sat on the couch with the cutest baby in the world (in my biased opinion), watched TV, and ate jelly beans.
I mean, come on. SHUT UP EMILY.
(But seriously, it doesn't matter where she goes to preschool, right?)