It's a Girl?

According to the internet it is!  I took a quiz, which has proven itself to be highly accurate. I took it last time, and it did indeed correctly predict that I would have a girl. And as we all know, everything on the internet is true. AND if it was true last time, it MUST be true this time. Right.

I don't think we could have found out the sex of the baby even if we wanted to at the first ultrasound, due to the baby being a stinker and generally uncooperative. Since I have to go back for a second ultrasound in June, I'll have another chance to find out. I don't know if I will. Ben says he wants to come to that ultrasound, too. He claims he wants to see the baby again, but I think he wants to make sure I don't find out the sex in a weak moment.

This quiz is a combination of all the Old Wives Tales out there, and apparently I am having the exact same pregnancy as last time. Same cravings, same warmer feet, carrying in the same place, my pillow faces north, etc. The only difference is this time I am willing to eat the heel of a loaf of bread, and apparently last time I WAS NOT. (I have no recollection of this.) 

I liked not finding out with Clare, but with everything being so up in the air right now (we close on our house next week!), I kind of want to know. Moms out there, how did you decide whether or not to find out? You know how I obsess about these types of decisions.

Speaking of girls, Clare got quite the shiner at my cousin's wedding last weekend. She was rushing off to the dance floor, tripped, and fell flat on her face. She got her grace (and her dance moves) from her mother! Another reason to enroll the kid in ballet. (The first reason is so that she doesn't also inherit her mother's tendency to slouch.)

Black eye/sad face.

Despite her finger blocking part of the shot, I couldn't resist this one.

Week 20

I had my 20 week ultrasound on Monday, which was also our 7th wedding anniversary. (And the day the Minnesota Senate passed a bill to legalize gay marriage. Yay!)  After the ultrasound, we came home and ate a pizza. Not the way we celebrated our anniversary during our first few years of our marriage, but it was still a good day. It is always fun to see baby. I actually have to go back for a second ultrasound in four weeks, because the baby was not cooperating and they couldn't get a decent picture of its heart. (They assured me that this is very common, and what they could see of the heart looked perfectly fine.) The baby spent most of the time in a ball, with its legs over its head. However, we could see: two legs, two arms, two feet, two hands, 10 fingers. This all made me happy.

The Baby: Is the size of a banana.

Weight gain: About 7 pounds. 

I’m Feeling: Tired, but good. I think being tired is just going to be a state of being for some time.

Cravings/Aversions: I have been craving sour foods. I've eaten more Sour Patch Kids than I care to admit. Also, a limeade sounds pretty good right now.

What I'm enjoying:  The nice weather. Finally! Finally! Finally!

What I'm worrying about: General moving stress. I am also trying to decide what to do for Clare's second birthday, which is stressing me out way more than it should.

Movement: Yes! I am finally feeling the baby move. The first day I felt it for sure was April 26. Since then, I've felt it at least once a day, if not more. It seems like it is increasing each day. During the ultrasound, it was moving like CRAZY. At one point, it was boxing with both arms. You would think with all that movement I would feel it more often, but I know it has a lot of space in there right now.

Clare: When people ask Clare what she thinks about being a big sister, she gives them a blank look and then runs away, or changes the subject to one of her interests (slides, swings, or songs being the most popular right now). So she is still living in blissful ignorance. She does, however, occasionally notice my ever-growing belly. She thinks it is pretty funny. I am not sure if I should be offended or not.

23 Months

Attempt 1.

Attempt 2.

Attempt 3,423. 

A few weeks ago, we were at my grandparents' house in La Crosse. Clare asked where Baba (my dad) was. I jokingly told her that he left and never wanted to see her again. I honestly didn't think she would understand what I was saying. Wrong. She did. Her lower lip started quivering and she just looked so sad. It was heartbreaking, really. She started sobbing, and I had to take her out of the room to calm her down. I promised her that Baba did want to see her again, and in fact she is his most favorite girl in the world. When he came back to the house, she squealed and ran up to him with a huge smile on her face. All was forgiven and forgotten. But I will never assume she can't understand me again.

Clare's favorite thing this month has been playing outside, on the two whole days that this has been possible. She LOVES the park, especially the swing and the slide. She'll go down that slide 25 times in a row. I am hoping for many more nice days in the very near future. We also went to the zoo. I was a bit nervous about this, because last year she did. Not. Like. The. Zoo. At all. This time, though, she had her 5-year-old friend Gavin pointing out the animals to her and holding her hand. Oh, and her mind was blown by the airplanes flying overhead on their way to land at the airport. She'd never seen an airplane before. She was having the time of her life.

Clare, Parker and Gavin. Not pictured: Baby Blake.

Is it too early to start planning the wedding?

Clare is very particular about where people should sit. If I am sitting in a chair that she believes to be Daddy's, she gets very upset. She is rather bossy about it, I have to say. Ben and I try to switch chairs as much as possible just to mess with her world view.

Her vocabulary continues to expand like crazy, and she is doing better and better with sentences. She also now says "cat" in the most authentic southern Wisconsin accent you've ever heard. Caaaaaaaat. Just like her Mommy.

We've been going to story time at the library near my in-laws house, and it has been great. Clare loves reading books and singing and dancing, all things that happen at story time. I hope we find programs like this one to do this summer, once we are finally in our house.

I can't believe my baby is almost two! Things have been so crazy, I wasn't sure if I would get this post written and pictures taken before we leave town for several days, but then I realized it is the last one before her second birthday! I had to do something. So here's to my almost 2-year-old, you cute little munchkin.

On the Stone Arch Bridge.

Swinging with Daddy at Aunt Kakie's house.

Post-bath, pre-comb.

At the Como Park Conservatory. She loved looking at the water (or yater, as she says).

Jerry

I wish I could tell stories as well as my grandpa. He could weave a tale so vivid, so clear, so entertaining - just with his voice and his words. No thesaurus. No editor. Just him.

Many of his stories centered on his experiences during World War II. He was incredibly proud of his service on the U.S.S. Helm, a destroyer that fought in the Pacific. And while he saw some horrific things, his stories were always so exciting, so full of adventure. As a teenager, when I first heard many of these stories, I never thought about how these experiences must have changed his life. After all, he was only 18 when he went to war.

My grandpa was so proud of his children. When he'd tell stories about my mom, and the, well, frankly sort of bratty things she did as a child, he would get a glimmer in his eyes, a huge smile on his face. I could hear the pride in his voice when he talked about her accomplishments as an adult.

He loved his wife, my grandmother. He enjoyed teasing her, but she was obviously everything to him. He described her as an angel sent from heaven, and for him she truly was. I know he would not have lived as long a life without her. They were married for 63 years.

He wanted a great-granddaughter. He used to tell me that. He just wanted to hold her on his lap, see her grinning up at him. I used to laugh, tell him that I couldn't control the sex of any hypothetical (or later quite real), baby I might have.  But he got his wish. He held her, she smiled up at him.

He loved his grandchildren. I think my sister was his favorite, but I know he was also very proud of my brother's athletic and educational achievements.

He was musical. He played the guitar and the flute. My sister and I both followed in his footsteps and played the flute. Katie will play it next week, at his funeral, in honor of him.

During the last years of his life, my grandpa slowly, slowly slipped away. But I'll always remember him as he was before: a great story teller, a man of faith, a man who worked hard and loved his family (and the Packers), and always did what he thought was right.

Jerome G. Bernhardt
March 18, 1925 - April 26, 2013

Week 17

The Baby: Is about the size of a turnip, whatever that means.

Weight gain: Um. I don't know, actually. I haven't weighed myself since my appointment a week and a half ago. I don't think I'll bother.

I’m Feeling: Pretty good, but really out of shape. I don't know if I can legitimately blame this on the pregnancy, or if I am in fact just out of shape. I've started exercising again, though, and I hope (pray? beg?) that the snow will FINALLY be gone for good next week and Clare and I can start getting out for walks every day. But boy, do I get out of breath carrying Clare up the stairs. In my defense, though, she does weigh nearly 30 pounds.

Cravings/Aversions: Still need that Reuben. And yes, Willikat, I would SO be up for a lunch date at Cecil's!! (Which, I might add, is only a few miles from our new house! Reubens every day! Okay, maybe not.)

What I'm enjoying:  Seeing friends! Also, although I was just complaining about how stressed I am about the move, I am having fun looking at furniture and planning where to put things in our new house. I am also very excited for this weekend, when my parents are coming to visit and my mom, sister and I are having a girls' night out. Nails, drinks at Moscow on the Hill, and dinner at Heartland are all part of the plan. Obviously, I am not drinking at Moscow on the Hill. Those lucky ladies have a designated driver. Hopefully they say something funny that I can tease them about later.

What I'm worrying about: Two weeks ago I was worrying about the baby, and whether or not it is okay. Well, I had an appointment last week and everything was fine. The heartbeat was strong. I had the Quad screen done, which came back negative for any problems. This week? I am still worrying about the baby. Bah.

Also, we have the inspection of our house today. I hope nothing too terrible shows up. Then we'll be back at square one, and I don't think I can handle that.  (I should really probably stop calling it our house, since we don't actually close until May 28. It is not our house yet.)

Movement: I think I felt something? Maybe?

Clare: Clare has some anxiety about babies. She completely lost it when she saw me holding a friend's baby. She has taken to crawling around the house saying "baby, baby." When she sees other babies being held, she insists that I hold her like a baby and rock her. It almost seems like she is trying to show me that she is still my baby. I am taking a break from mentioning anything about the new baby to her. After all, we still have weeks, nay months, until the little one arrives. Plenty of time for her to get used to the idea, if she ever does.

In Limbo

It has been a strange few weeks. We moved, but I don't really feel like I live here yet. I miss going to work three days a week, miss having a routine, miss my old life in many ways. Clare is adjusting, too. And teething. This is a bad combination. It makes her clingy. It makes her crabby. This makes me crabby.

I know this is all temporary. I will adjust to my new life, and once we move into our house I will have my own home. My routine. I hope.

And yes, we found a house. House hunting was stressful. Making an offer on the house was stressful. Thinking about moving is stressful. Moving into a neighborhood where we know no one is stressful.

The combination of all of this missing and stressing has left me feeling very out of sorts.

On the bright side, I've just finished a weekend filled with fun social engagements. A get-together at my friend Cindi's. A birthday party for Clare's 3-year-old second cousin. Dinner out with the girls. Brunch with my sister and brother-in-law, followed by a trip to the Como Park Conservatory. Dinner out with my mother-in-law and some of her friends.

So really, why I am complaining? Who cares if I don't meet anyone in my new neighborhood? It's not like this is a place filled with strangers - there are many familiar faces and dear friends to see.

But yet. I feel strange.

And now, since I hate to end on a sour note, a video of Clare singing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

Week 15

Well, here I am at 15 weeks. As I mentioned last time, this pregnancy as been so different in the sense that I am paying so much less attention to it. And I have been BAD about doing things like taking my prenatal vitamin. I am hoping now that we are back in Minnesota, and I have a little more time on my hands, I will be able to focus a bit more on this baby.

The Baby: Is about the size of an apple. A smallish apple.

Weight gain: I've gained about 3 pounds, give or take.

I’m Feeling: I feel fine, physically. I am showing big time, and I hope people can tell I am pregnant and don't think I have a huge beer gut. I've had a few people I know ask me if I am pregnant, which I think is rather gutsy of them.

Cravings/Aversions: I would kill for a Reuben sandwich. I have been craving one for weeks. The aversions are basically gone. My appetite is good, but I am not as ravenous as I was during the first trimester.

What I'm enjoying:  Having a bit of down time after the craziness of the move. I am excited to start seeing friends again, too. Since we've only been here for a few days I haven't seen anyone yet.

What I'm worrying about: Okay, at the risk of sounding crazy, I will tell you this. I have been super paranoid that something is wrong with the baby. I have no basis for this. I look pregnant. My body is changing in other pregnancy-related ways. But. I can't feel the baby move yet. I just keep thinking something bad has happened to it. Maybe it is just the stress of the move? Luckily, I have an appointment with my new doctor on Monday. (Actually, she is a Certified Nurse Midwife, not an OB.)

Movement: Still too early for this, but hopefully next week?

Clare:  The move has caused her some anxiety. She has been very clingy. She loves seeing her grandparents, but always wants to know where Mommy is. She hasn't been sleeping well, either. I haven't heard her at night, but she is very tired during the day. She has her own crib here, but I think she is just adjusting to the new place, too.