Then there are the times when she just outright denies things, like saying she doesn't have to go to the bathroom when she clearly does. Or, she'll go into the other room and tell Ben that I said it was okay if she has another cookie. I didn't. I guess she is just trying to manipulate us, to see what she can get away with.
The other day, she told me that she and her preschool friend Ella did not want to play with another boy in their class, Sam, because Sam "was being mean to them." I was concerned, and asked her what Sam was doing. Well, it turned out he just wasn't following their specific instructions for HOW to play with them. I informed Clare that is not the same thing as being mean. (I think Clare will face this problem a lot in her life. She has very specific ideas about how things need to be.)
Then, though, she told me another story. She said that every time she plays with another little girl at her school, the girl pulls Clare's hair. Is this true, or is it just another tale? I asked her what the teachers did about this, and she said, and I quote, "The teacher never sees it." Hmmm, again.
I am going to mention it to her teacher, just in case. Clare didn't seem all that upset by it, or I would call her immediately. I also want Clare to deal with her own problems, though, and I am sure she will also be faced with a little hair pulling now and then.
Of course, now that she has this new, shorter cut, maybe she won't.
So how do you handle your child's truthiness? I am hoping this is normal, but maybe it's not?
In other Clare news, she is so excited to be able to play outside again. (Yes, it's cold again. But it won't last, right?) Last week, when I asked Clare if she wanted to ride her bike outside, you would have thought it was Christmas morning. She was jumping up and down and shrieking with glee. She was seriously more excited than I have ever seen her. Except maybe when she sees her cousin Josie.
She is loving school, and despite her bossiness her teacher told me she has lots of friends. She is already busy planning picnics (complete with guest list) and her birthday party in June. She really wants to celebrate her birthday at school because apparently the kids get to be the line leader and hold the maracas? A big thrill, I know. Sadly for Clare, her birthday will almost always fall outside of the school year. I don't know if they'll do anything for the summer birthday kids or not.
She talks constantly - her vocabulary is huge and she is funny. She loves to tell knock knock jokes that she makes up herself. Those are pretty hit or miss, but I laugh sometimes. Just not when she tells me to.
We start soccer tonight, and Ben is going to be her coach. Hopefully that will keep her fear at bay. She still has trouble starting new things, but she is very aware of this fact. I hope this helps her learn to cope quickly. She is already much better than she was, partly because I understand her temperament so much better now that I can help her prepare.
I am sure I'll say more about this in her birthday post in a few months, but age 3 been tough. I am looking forward to this summer and age 4. And lots of warm weather!
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| She walked around the house in this get-up for hours. |
Truthiness is interesting. Whenever we ask Mason about his day, he doesn't have much to say - then we add leading questions and he'll say "Yes, we played the xylophone in music." Did he really? Or does he just not remember and we placed a memory in his head? We also question #2 sometimes - did he really go?
ReplyDeleteMason, too, still has trouble starting new things. He's SO much better than even 6 months ago, but he's nervous about swimming starting again tomorrow. I can understand this anxiety, and for things that make him so nervous, I wouldn't push too hard. But people need to know how to swim! It also always go better after that first lesson...
How do you help Clare prepare? Do you have tips that work?
For Adam, we help him cope with new situations with a dry-erase calendar on the fridge. He checks that calendar all the time. Knowing what's coming up gives him a sense of control.
DeleteI still remember his first t-ball game and how nervous he was. I thought we had psyched him up (he'd only been playing ball in our backyard since he could walk!), but once we got to the field and he saw kids he didn't know, he went into shut-down mode. He wouldn't wear his jersey (fine), he wouldn't sit on the bench (I let him sit on my lap), he did NOT want to play, even though Aaron was the coach. I didn't let him skip out on the game, though ... instead, I went out on the field with him. After a few games, he was wearing the uniform, sitting on the bench, and looking forward to game nights. (And now he's obsessed with All Things Sports.)
It's hard when you have a scared/anxious child because you want to support them, encourage them, and be his/her "soft place to land," but you also know life is all about new experiences, so you have to teach them to cope (and eventually persevere). Adam's anxiety has gotten so much better with time/age, but there are still "firsts" that get him all worked up (and probably always will), it's just the way he's wired.
P.S.
I LOVE Clare's personality!!! And her sense of fashion. (Cute haircut, too!)
We don't have a physical calendar, but I always tell Clare what is coming up, especially if it is something that I know will make her nervous. If we talk about it the night before, it helps her mentally prepare. That seems to work for her, although we still have our meltdowns. Usually, if she sits with me for a bit she'll work up the courage to participate in whatever it is.
DeleteWe've also discovered which parent has more patience for this kind of thing. It's now become routine that I bring him to the "firsts" of everything - swimming lesson, K orientation, etc. - because I don't lose my cool at all, let alone how fast Jon can sometimes. Mason also seems to appreciate me around for those moments, and they tend to go a bit easier. Letting them sit with you and get a feel for the situation is always a good first step. :)
DeleteWe already have some truthiness with Ruby. It's totally normal. But it does make it hard when they tell you something that maybe you should intervene about (kids hitting at daycare or whatever). If it makes you feel any better, my sister was the truthiness-est of all: She told her preschool teacher that my dad died the night before class one day and she also told my mom that they had a bomb scare at school...among many other classics. she turned out to be a normal and very honest person.... :)
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