I really struggle with the end of Daylight Saving Time. I remember feeling this way last year, and I blamed it on having an infant at home. But the feelings are back this year, and I think they can be firmly attributed to the days getting shorter. This blast of January weather is not helping, either.
Anything can cause me to spiral. Yesterday, it was climate change. Today, I was crying after reading an article on holiday traditions, because I suddenly felt like I didn't have any traditions for my little family and I AM FAILING AT CHRISTMAS. This is ridiculous, I realize this logically. Especially the holiday thing. Knowing that it is silly doesn't change anything, though. I wish I could have that much control over it, you know?
I noticed it creeping in last week. I had a bad day on Wednesday, worrying about something or other, I don't even know what. Then, the sun was out on Thursday and I was fine. It has been gray since, and so has my mood.
I snap at Clare. I'm short with Ben. Everything is blown of out of proportion: a perceived slight, a small criticism. I start second guessing decisions I made years ago, obsessing over them. I don't like feeling this way.
So. What to do? One thing that makes me feel better when I get down is writing about it. Here I am. I also decided to make a list of the things in my life that make me happy. Or, that at least should in theory make me happy. Small things. Here we go.
Snuggles from Christopher. Clare's little voice. Ben telling a joke. Red wine. White wine. Sleeping through the night. Watching Castle. Reading a really good book. Hiding in the bathroom to finish that book. Taking a long, hot shower. Being alone. A good cup of hot coffee. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, especially the ones from Pot Belly. Girls' night out. Play dates. Family time. Fried cheese curds. My kitchen. My brother coming to visit this weekend, all the way from jolly ol' England.
I have nothing to be unhappy about. The logical part of my brain knows this. I just need to get the rest of my brain to know it, too.