Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Not Helpful

Last weekend, I went to dinner with some of my best girlfriends. When the waitress came to our table, she noticed that another friend and I are pregnant, and we told her we are both having our second child. She turned to my friend Chelsea and said "Have you told them?" I know what we were all thinking, "Told them what?"

"Oh, that is it's own special kind of hell," the waitress said.


"The other day, I found my child smearing the contents of his diaper on his brother," she helpfully added. "I am excited for you, but worried for you, too."

She later came back to our table to tell us the tale of her friend, who has a 2-year-old daughter. This daughter was the only child and grandchild, and when the new baby came "it did not go well. At. All. The daughter completely regressed and is having all sorts of problems." (Why yes, Clare is the only child and grandchild.)

Now, this was at a nice restaurant. Not Perkins. (Not that there is anything wrong with Perkins.) She spent a long time at our table talking about this. I don't know about you, but I do not find this kind of thing helpful. At all.

I am well aware that having a second child is going to be challenging. It is going to change everything. I know this. But having someone who doesn't even know me go on and on about how terrible it is going to be, while I am trying to enjoy a nice dinner with my girlfriends no less, is incredibly irritating.

I try really hard not to give unsolicited advice to other moms or moms-to-be. I hope I would never do anything like this. Because really. Shut up.


  1. Well, she was a DELIGHT.

    I'm not a baby person, I'm snarky and sarcastic, I'm extremely exhausted and I can be the first to joke about parenthood, but I can tell you for CERTAIN she's COMPLETELY wrong. Never in my life would I say anything about my children is "hell." Hard? Yes. Frustrating? Sure. But Hell? Never. I'm getting all riled up here!

    Anyway. I hit the jackpot with Mason because he's so well behaved and loves his sister. I know not all toddlers are like that, but Clare is going to dig her new sibling, too. She may love him/her right from the start, or it may take a few weeks, but seriously, after a few weeks, she's not even going to remember a time when the baby wasn't there anyway, and everything will fall into place.

    You're a great mom and super capable. You have a great, helpful partner. While new challenges will arise in October, it will also bring so many new joys. And I think Ben and Clare will enjoy a new bond, too, which is great for them.

    Where was this?? We should go punch that lady in the face!

  2. I hope you didn't tip her 20 percent!!!

  3. SO IRRITATING. Remember our conversation about Pregnancy Hazing? Apparently it still exists on the second go-round. Unbelievable. I'm so tired of some moms acting like they deserve a special medal because their life is so hard. Get a life, lady.