Week 9

The Baby: Is about the size of a grape. I had another ultrasound at my last appointment; it was amazing to see how much it had grown since the first ultrasound.

Weight gain: None so far, but my stomach is definitely rounder and higher.

I’m Feeling: I have been SO SICK. So sick. I was not nearly this nauseous when I was pregnant with Clare, so I am convinced I am having a boy. (Although, I was convinced I was having a boy when I was pregnant with Clare, too.) All three of us came down with a wicked stomach flu. I am finally feeling human today after five days of misery.

Cravings/Aversions: I have only been able to tolerate certain foods, mostly bland things like bananas and Special K cereal. I have many aversions, but there is no rhyme or reason to them. I still don't want chocolate or coffee AT ALL.

What I'm enjoying: Having an excuse to lay on the couch during Clare's nap rather than do housework. Of course that means my house is a disaster.

What I'm worrying about: Today, it is putting in notice at my job. I have to do that tomorrow. I know it isn't fun for anyone, but I am really nervous. I know my coworkers will be disappointed, and my workplace is strange in a lot of ways - I don't know how management will react. Tomorrow may be my last day. Then again, maybe no one will care.

Movement: Still too early for this. I did enjoy seeing that little heartbeat fluttering away again, though.

Clare: She was at the last ultrasound, and when the picture came up on the screen she screamed, "Baby!" She probably just remembered from last time, but it was funny. She also likes to look at the ultrasound pictures.

Week 7

I didn’t start blogging until I was 20 weeks pregnant with Clare, and even then I didn’t do a great job of recording many details about the pregnancy. This time around, I decided I should keep a better record. It may be my last time being pregnant (according to Ben), but even if we have a third child (according to me), it will still be nice to  be able to look back and remember this pregnancy. Especially how nauseous I’ve been these last few weeks! I really want to remember that. Hey, maybe this will actually help Ben win the argument. He can just remind me how crappy I felt when I say I want a third child.

ANYWAY. I am going to borrow an idea from a few other blogs (including my good friend A.), and fill in the answers to these questions each week. (Or at least every few weeks. Let’s be realistic here.)

The Baby: Is teeny-tiny, about the size of a blueberry. It is truly amazing what havoc something that small can wreak.

Weight gain: None so far. Actually, I did gain a pound or two before I knew I was pregnant, but that was because I was sick and not exercising.

I’m Feeling: Nauseous. Hungry. Then nauseous. Then hungry. Etc. Bone tired. Just so, so tired. Also, I have been SUPER emotional. I find myself crying about nothing. And everything. I cried during every single story I heard on NPR on the way to work yesterday, even the happy ones. I cry when I look at Clare. I feel depressed and anxious, too. I am hoping these hormones sort themselves out soon.

Cravings/Aversions: So, so many aversions. It has been strange. A certain food, like the homemade pizza I made last weekend, will be great one day, and the next day I can’t stand the sight of it. Right now, mushrooms in particular sound horrible. (Yes, they were on the pizza.) Also: hummus. Barf! Chocolate also sounds terrible, which is sad, because I love chocolate. I try to eat every few hours, because that seems to help with the nausea, but I need to stick to fairly bland, plain food. I haven’t been craving anything in particular.

What I'm enjoying: Yoga. It helps calm me down, and gives me a little time to myself.

What I'm worrying about: Many things. There is a lot of uncertainty in our lives right now. There is one thing in particular that I am waiting for resolution on. When that happens, I think I’ll feel a bit better. Also, I feel strange that I am not that excited about this pregnancy. Of course, I have psycho-analyzed myself, and I really think it is because of two things. One, I was super sick when I first found out I was pregnant. No energy for excess emotions. Two, because of my history of miscarriages, I don’t want to let myself get too excited, in case something goes wrong. Although, because we saw a strong heartbeat at six weeks, my chance of miscarriage has dropped to 10-15 %. I’ll be happy when we reach that 12 week mark, though.

Movement: Way too early for this. I haven’t been doing much movement myself, either.

Clare: She has no clue. I have been doing a lot more sitting in the chair while she runs around instead of getting down on the floor with her, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

Early Viewing

Me: Dad, are you going to be in your office tomorrow? Clare and I will stop up after my doctor's appointment.
Dad: Why are you going to the doctor? A check up?
Me: Yes.
Dad: To find out if you're pregnant?
Me: ....
Dad: I shouldn't have asked you that. But you had a positive pregnancy test?
Me: Uhhhh.....yeah.....

Yes, I did have a positive pregnancy test. I know from past experience, though, that this means nothing. So I made an appointment with my doctor for an early ultrasound. I was nervous. Not as nervous as right before I first found out I was pregnant with Clare.  That day, sitting in the waiting room, I was the most nervous I've been in my life. This time, though was different. I glanced at Clare in the rearview mirror on my way to the appointment, smiling away in her car seat, and I knew that no matter what happened, all would be right with the world. Even if I never had another baby, I had my Clare and that was all that mattered.

We arrived at the clinic, and my doctor was thrilled to see Clare. She had delivered her, after all. "It's a mini Emily!" She exclaimed, going on to tell me all about her granddaughter. I tried to relax. To be patient. But I wanted her to get going. I wanted to know, one way or another, what I would be dealing with. Finally, she began. And there it was. The tiny flickering of life on the monitor. An impossibly small heart, beating away inside my body. A baby.

I felt relieved. And nauseous.  Not excited, though, not really.  I need to wait until the next six weeks are over to feel like we are out of danger.

And then I can begin looking forward to October, when our lives will change forever. Again.

20 Months

January was a long month. We've spent the last two weeks passing a nasty virus around our house. Clare, thankfully, seems to have recovered (knock on wood!), but I am still in the middle of it. I haven't been able to taste anything for a week now, which is strange to say the least. (However, that didn't stop me from consuming a quarter tray of taco dip during the Super Bowl. Sad, I know.)
I will say this though: Clare, despite being extremely congested for a week or so, did NOT get an ear infection. Ear tubes ftw!!

Clare's nap schedule has changed - she has basically given up her afternoon nap, and her morning nap is much later than it used to be. I'll admit it - I miss her taking two naps a day. Some days she really seems to need a second nap. (I need it, too. When else am I supposed to catch up on everything on my DVR?) And she'll go down okay, but it never fails. Ten minutes in she is screaming at the top of her lungs, demanding release from her prison.

She has many new words to add to the list, including Big Bird, Grover and Abby. (Anyone see a theme?) Also: tini. For martini. Yeah. Ben is happy because she says hockey, and uses it mostly correctly. (She thinks golf is hockey, too.) She calls my mom Jo, which is pretty cute. (It is also her name, so it's not like it is a fun nickname or anything. It is just cute when Clare says it.) Her other new words are: juice, pop, garbage, puppy, ice, snow, ouch, box, potty, wow, whoa, and mote (remote).

She is also the new Mistress of Stall. Every night before she goes to bed, she is suddenly hungry, demanding food. At first, I thought it was because when she was sick she ate very little and was making up for lost time. Now, though, I think she is just trying to delay the inevitable. She'll use a similar tactic before nap time, too, demanding more and more milk, even though she is struggling to keep her eyes open.

I feel like I should have more to say, but my head is just way too congested. When you're sick, do you ever feel like you can't remember what it's like to be healthy? That is how I feel right now. What is it like to taste food? I can barely remember, and I've only been sick for a week.  And I don't even have any cute pictures of Clare to post at the end here; I barely took any this month. Okay, I'll stop whining now. One thing I am really happy about: it is light when I leave work again! This makes me indescribably happy.