I got a call from Clare's daycare yesterday, confirming her first day. I have had this day in the back of my mind for the past few weeks, and the thought of dropping her off there and driving away makes me sick to my stomach.
So I decided to look in one of the baby books I have to see if they have any information on what to send to daycare with your infant. THIS DID NOT HELP AT ALL. Here is a quote from the book, which by the way is "The Baby Book" by the Drs. Sears. "Day-care centers are not advisable for infants under one year because of too many kids, too few staff members, and the increased chances of contagious illness at a child's most infection-vulnerable time." Needless to say, Clare is going to a daycare center. What is their preferable solution? Having the baby cared for in-home, by a family member or au pair. And yes, this would be great. However, it is not something that will work for us. The authors also go on at length about how it is best for the baby to be with its mother, and helpfully points out how you will likely miss milestones because they can happen at daycare. This is all probably true. So yeah, it is guilt city over here.
The thing is, I don't have to go back to work. Financially, we could make do without my income. But truthfully, I want to go back. Aside from the whole daycare situation, I like the idea of having a few days a week that are baby free, and I can interact with adults and do things other than change diapers. Does that make me a terrible mother? I don't really think so. The daycare center where we are taking Clare is clean, organized, and I felt really good about it when we visited last spring. The kids all seemed happy. I think she will be just fine. I think I need to stop reading some of these books, other than as a quick reference to answer questions like, "why in the world is that poop green?"And I should say, this book has been quite helpful when it comes to answering those types of questions. We have used it a lot over the last nine weeks.
I wish I could be in two places at once. Wouldn't it be great if we could clone ourselves we could be home with baby and work?
Now, on a happier note, here is Clare rocking her awesome arm warmers from her Aunt Andri. She is going to be the most stylish girl at daycare.