The last six weeks have been like the most crazy roller coaster I have ever been on. It has been wonderful and terrifying at the same time.
The last few days I have been especially tired. I don't know if the adrenaline has finally worn off or if it is just my mood, but I have been feeling a lot more inadequate as a mom then I did at first. (Well, except the first week when I had no clue.) I am constantly worrying - is she eating enough? Sleeping enough? Sleeping too much? When will her baby acne go away? Am I eating the right foods so she gets the right nutrients? She is rubbing her ear - does she have an ear infection? Will I ever go out for drinks with my friends again? What happened to my life? Will I ever feel like myself again?
I remember my friend CMS telling me how isolating maternity leave can be, but I don't think I really knew what she meant until the last week or so. The days I am home alone, without Ben, are long. I really miss the social interaction of being at work. I feel guilty when I put Clare in her bassinet so I can check my email, but sometimes I just need a break. I feel guilty that I feel resentful when she starts crying and wants to be fed, even though she JUST ATE. However, when I think about leaving Clare at daycare and driving away I feel sick. I know it will be good for me to go back and be in the world of adults - but UGH. I feel like there is no good answer.
Then today I read this, and laughed my ass off. It is amazing how one little thing can make your day. Oh, and this: