We eat breakfast. This helps the 2-year-old's mood. I finally go upstairs to wash up and get dressed. The baby is crying again. The 2-year-old is underfoot in the bathroom, watching me do everything, trying to "help" me wash my face and get dressed.
We get ready to leave. We are going to the library. It is a battle to get the 2-year-old out the door. Why is it so hard to put on your shoes? It is not that hard. I wonder why I am bothering, because I am only going the library so the 2-year-old has something fun to do, and it just seems to lead to me yelling at her about her gosh darn shoes. Then I think about the alternative, not going anywhere, staying home with both of them all day, and I decide it's worth it.
We come home. We eat lunch. The baby is sleeping.
After lunch, the 2-year-old goes down for her nap. The baby wakes up. Of course.
The 2-year-old wakes up from her nap way too early. I count the minutes until the husband comes home. It is never soon enough.
***
I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I am either really high or really low. I have moments throughout the day of just being so happy! Clare is so funny! My neighborhood is so nice! Christmas is coming!
And then, the bottom falls out. I am not talking to other adults. Christopher is still sleeping intermittently at night. I'll never feel rested again. I want a glass of wine and I can't have one. I am bored. I have no time to myself. I just feel so blah. So so blah. I want to cry.
***
I know it is temporary. I know it is temporary. I know it is temporary. It doesn't feel temporary.
It never feels temporary when you're in the thick of it, does it?! You're adjusting to a new routine (SAH mom), a "new normal" (two young kids), in a fairly new neighborhood ... and sleep deprivation isn't helping any. I think you're doing a great job -- you were so kind and patient with Clare when I came to visit, and so gentle and loving with Christopher. Clare looks at you with total adoration -- it's pretty obvious that you are the center of her world. Whenever you need to break up the monotony of your day, please come visit me downtown for lunch!! I will help Clare put on her shoes. :) Hang in there, and know that you'll start feeling better once your hormones are back in check, you're getting good stretches of uninterrupted sleep, and you figure out a routine with both kiddos. You'll get your groove back!!! xo
ReplyDeleteOh, Em. I'm sorry I didn't see this until now! I hate to say I'm still there eight months into having two children, because I really hope you find your groove MUCH sooner than that. But, I do completely understand. This past weekend with four days of both of them at home? UFFDA. But, yesterday was a better day... so I know they do exist!
ReplyDeleteBabies are hard. Two year olds are hard. But, you're doing your best. And you're doing awesome.
(Did you see the two posts I linked to on my blog? You'll like them. Go read them if you ever have a dual-nap minute to yourself. I know those don't exist very often!)